In every job industry, there is a vocabulary that people use to describe those who are considered “the other.” For example, having worked a number of service industry jobs, I can tell you that we most definitely have words to describe customers who don’t tip properly, who are overly finicky or demanding, or who seem to have honestly never set foot in a restaurant before.
A few weeks ago, I received a couple of month-long free gym passes to a très chic fitness facility downtown (passes which my friend and I redeemed not because of any January resolutions, mind you, but because they were going to expire mid-month).
At least one — if not a number — of the employees likely thought that a practical joke was being played on him.
“When was the last time you were a member of a gym?” he asked as he shook my hand. His biceps were roughly the same size as my thighs.
“Er . . . never?” I guessed. “Except for that one we had included in our university fees. But I never really went there either. Maybe for the odd group class.” This guy, who has devoted his life and career to being an exemplar of human fitness, nodded at me very slowly.
“When was the last time you had your BMI measured or your body fat percentage calculated?” He asked.
And so on and so forth. But for a whole hour.
Then, when the time came for the actual fitness evaluation, he walked me over to the treadmill and told me to hop on.
“Set it at an incline of about 2.5, and the speed at a fast walk,” he said.
I stared at him.
“Oh my god — have you never been on a treadmill before?!” He laughed. Nervously. It was clear to all parties involved that no, I had never set foot on a treadmill before. The trainer then set the treadmill speeds for me and walked away, likely scanning for the hidden cameras that would prove he was on a reality TV show. Whatever vocabulary gym people use to describe to their peers the kinds of people who just don’t get it, he no doubt used to describe me. And who could blame him? Soon the poor sap was going to have to teach me how to do a push-up.
Today, we’re going to get down to the basics of dessert. And I mean like learning-how-to-do-a-push-up-basics, except with apples. Applesauce is a crazy easy dessert to make, which tastes great, and can be made with seasonal fruit all the way from early fall into the springtime.
If you want pink applesauce, you’re going to need a food processor. If you don’t have one, you’re going to make regular yellow applesauce, and you’ll need a peeler or a good paring knife.
Easiest Applesauce recipe
- 6 apples (Macintosh, Cortland, Honeycrisp, Pink Lady all work well)
- splash of apple cider (apple juice or even water work just fine too!)
- optional: 1-2 Tbs sugar; 1/4 tsp ground nutmeg; 1 Tbs grated fresh ginger; zest of 1/2 a lemon